Mole Hound for Hire

Mole Hound for Hire

My neighbor’s dog (Angus) is a Miniature Golden Labradoodle, which is not a copy of dog, but rather a crossbreed of a Golden Labrador Retriever and a Poodle. Angus, a very intelligent young dog, is quite the escape artist. Systematically, he probes the ineffective places in his owner’s small picket fence and he tests the soil under the pickets for “digability.” It is not so much that he wants something outside of the fence, nor is he pushed to get outside of the surrounding. Rather, he sees the fence as an impediment to his free will. He would have been a great asset to the allied prisoners of war in “The Great Escape” film, with the exception that he would turn himself in to the camp guards instead of flee to England. To Angus, it is the challenge of the digging and the escape is merely a short-lived victory, a measure of his performance.

Until recently, my neighbor could not understand why Angus will sometimes dig a hole in the center of his backyard. Why in the center and not on the perimeter? My wife and I saw why. Angus tore by the green grass, twenty feet away from the pickets, and he moved Earth like a steam shovel! Dirt flew six feet behind him as he dug. Clearly he wanted to get at something quickly. Sometimes he shoved his head thorough into the hole and pulled it out covered with soil, which he shook off. Then, he got something. It was a mole! Angus had heard or sniffed out the unbathed living submarine of the lawn. He had intercepted it while it moved in a tunnel more than three feet down! Now, my neighbor says that he will be a high man because his dog, Angus, is a genuine Mole Hound!

Homeowners will pay big money to get Earth-turning moles out of their yard. Most pest-control companies will do no more than sell them some kind of guillotine that is supposed to pin or decapitate them as they run by a tunnel, but that doesn’t work. Perhaps all moles are French, because they will not go near a guillotine. Instead, they dig a new tunnel to avoid the trap. Some folks believe that you can slightly chew up Juicy Fruit gum and put the squishy gum into the mole tunnels where the moles will chew themselves to death. But, that doesn’t work either. By the way don’t take advice from a dentist about how to rid your yard of moles.

I’m thinking that my neighbor might charge $25 per caught/dispatched mole and that he could charge another $200 to return his customers’ recently hound dug lawn to its pre-hunting mole hound condition. What do you think? #TAG1writer.

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